HOW TO GET OVER AN EX
Over 3 years ago, I got into a relationship that changed my perspective on love, loyalty, family, religion among many other things. This isn't a story about an ex that cheated on me just to end up heading our separate ways. The story is bigger than that. As I write this post, I'm currently in contact with my ex boyfriend but it's safe to say that our conversations are pretty much healthy and very civil compared to how we ended things. I realised that you don't have to block an ex as soon as you break up with them but you also don't have to hold on to what could have been.
I pray that you get that job, that promotion, that weight gain/loss or that good news. Most importantly I hope you get that healthy relationship that you've been hoping and wishing for because everyone deserves to be happy. Hopefully you will find that happiness in reading my posts because it comes with a happy ending.
This blog documents the journey I took towards healing my mental illnesses, the after effect of loosing someone I thought I would spend the rest of my life with and where that has left me as of this day because I'm better than ever. I wanted to share my story so people understand that a positive mindset can get you past a horrifying stage where your brain and body is constantly fighting itself, saying there's no turning back.
Many of my friends and family already know who the person is but that's not why I'm writing this blog. It isn't to call out people or talk about how horrible the person was because in my defence, I was very happy in their presence. I was glad that I spent the most peaceful moments of my life with that particular person. Okay ... enough of that, we might as well give this guy a name ... Khalil. Just because that's a name I hope to name my son one day.
In 2016, my best friend and I were going to a high school barbecue. I had no intentions of explaining to any of my grown up relatives that I was heading to one because at the time, I was certain I wouldn't be allowed to go considering I come from an Arab-Tanzanian family. Anyways ... I had a lot of fun; video gaming, eating, meeting new people considering I was new and I gotta admit I was pretty peng too.
I met this one person and it seemed like a 20 second conversation but I barely paid attention to the guy but it seemed like the guy paid attention to everything I said. The guy came to me 2 weeks later and hoped there was a chance we could take things to the next level. That guy was Khalil and despite the fact that I knew that we were going to have a long distance relationship, I said YES.
Most people would have argued that perhaps that was the first mistake. The fact that I hadn't even gotten to know the guy before agreeing for a long term relationship to begin with. In my defence, people have arranged marriages and arranged marriages do work ... I mean many do work.
I somehow thought that Khalil would catch up to the fact that being thousands of miles apart would mean that we can't see each other as often and wouldn't talk to each other in person. That really wasn't a problem for me though considering my priorities were some place else. I was too busy trying to keep my grades up which at the time, were pretty much on edge because I had lost the motivation to keep listening in class. In addition, I just enjoyed the arts, English and all the sports my school could provide. I really didn't have time for a relationship.
To be fair, I wasn't even doing anything wrong if I couldn't even see him as often. Anyways fast forward a few months and we grew even closer to the point where people would make stories about the two of us that made us second guess our relationship. Fast forward a few years and despite the fact that it was laid out for us to be together we just didn't really fight for the end goal I guess. We were both going to head to university eventually so I was the first to break it off. I won't exactly talk about why I decided to end it but it was important to note that it was related to mental health and the fact that I was depressed. I just didn't know what I wanted anymore and I ran back to rekindle the relationship days later where he ended up saying no and dumping me. All in all ... WE BROKE IT OFF.
So for a lot of so-called friends who were wondering what had happened ... well technically I didn't really say much but I guess I like a little plot holes in stories sometimes especially if it has something to do with my life in general.
Anyways, we mutually agreed that our lives would be better without each other but despite saying that we just kept in contact for almost 9 months after. This is what many people would call my "SECOND" mistake. We just couldn't stop talking. On my side, I just wanted what we had. I felt like it could work. I just didn't know how to start a fresh. Looking back at it now, I think it was the fact that I hadn't been single for a long time that made me feel that way. It was the constant dependency on another person which made me feel weak, defenseless. It made me feel like I had no one else in my life even when I had so many people who wanted to be my next boyfriend, people who were always my friend through thick and thin and ofcourse my family who I didn't exactly share my pain with just because I was not interested in being told things I already knew.
"I told you to stop hanging around with boys"
" I warned you that men were trouble"
" This is what you get for sneaking out with this guy"
"This is what you distanced us for?"
To be fair, it never went like that and most of these negative outcomes happened because of my mindset. The months that I kept in contact with this guy was the most depressing moments of my entire life despite the fact that I had received news that I had been accepted to ALL my universities.
9 months after we broke up I told him, I would like to cut all contact with him. I just wanted to be respectful. I wasn't even sure why I was asking but I did and he said ...
..................................................................................................................................................................
IF YOU READ TILL THIS PART I WOULD JUST LIKE TO SAY THAT I WILL BE CONTINUING THIS STORY REAL SOON AND YES THIS IS A REAL STORY THAT I ENCOUNTERED. I HOPE BY THE END OF THE STORY MANY PEOPLE WILL LEARN FROM MY MISTAKE AND FIND A BETTER WAY FOR APPROACHING RELATIONSHIPS AND BREAK UPS. I JUST DON'T HAVE THE TIME TO SIT DOWN AND WRITE ONE LENGTHY BLOG POST. SO THAT'S WHEN THE GETOVERAY SERIES WILL COME TO PLAY ... STAY TUNED BECAUSE I POST I'LL POST A NEW BLOG POST EVERY TWO WEEKS.
I pray that you get that job, that promotion, that weight gain/loss or that good news. Most importantly I hope you get that healthy relationship that you've been hoping and wishing for because everyone deserves to be happy. Hopefully you will find that happiness in reading my posts because it comes with a happy ending.
This blog documents the journey I took towards healing my mental illnesses, the after effect of loosing someone I thought I would spend the rest of my life with and where that has left me as of this day because I'm better than ever. I wanted to share my story so people understand that a positive mindset can get you past a horrifying stage where your brain and body is constantly fighting itself, saying there's no turning back.
Many of my friends and family already know who the person is but that's not why I'm writing this blog. It isn't to call out people or talk about how horrible the person was because in my defence, I was very happy in their presence. I was glad that I spent the most peaceful moments of my life with that particular person. Okay ... enough of that, we might as well give this guy a name ... Khalil. Just because that's a name I hope to name my son one day.
In 2016, my best friend and I were going to a high school barbecue. I had no intentions of explaining to any of my grown up relatives that I was heading to one because at the time, I was certain I wouldn't be allowed to go considering I come from an Arab-Tanzanian family. Anyways ... I had a lot of fun; video gaming, eating, meeting new people considering I was new and I gotta admit I was pretty peng too.
I met this one person and it seemed like a 20 second conversation but I barely paid attention to the guy but it seemed like the guy paid attention to everything I said. The guy came to me 2 weeks later and hoped there was a chance we could take things to the next level. That guy was Khalil and despite the fact that I knew that we were going to have a long distance relationship, I said YES.
Most people would have argued that perhaps that was the first mistake. The fact that I hadn't even gotten to know the guy before agreeing for a long term relationship to begin with. In my defence, people have arranged marriages and arranged marriages do work ... I mean many do work.
I somehow thought that Khalil would catch up to the fact that being thousands of miles apart would mean that we can't see each other as often and wouldn't talk to each other in person. That really wasn't a problem for me though considering my priorities were some place else. I was too busy trying to keep my grades up which at the time, were pretty much on edge because I had lost the motivation to keep listening in class. In addition, I just enjoyed the arts, English and all the sports my school could provide. I really didn't have time for a relationship.
To be fair, I wasn't even doing anything wrong if I couldn't even see him as often. Anyways fast forward a few months and we grew even closer to the point where people would make stories about the two of us that made us second guess our relationship. Fast forward a few years and despite the fact that it was laid out for us to be together we just didn't really fight for the end goal I guess. We were both going to head to university eventually so I was the first to break it off. I won't exactly talk about why I decided to end it but it was important to note that it was related to mental health and the fact that I was depressed. I just didn't know what I wanted anymore and I ran back to rekindle the relationship days later where he ended up saying no and dumping me. All in all ... WE BROKE IT OFF.
So for a lot of so-called friends who were wondering what had happened ... well technically I didn't really say much but I guess I like a little plot holes in stories sometimes especially if it has something to do with my life in general.
Anyways, we mutually agreed that our lives would be better without each other but despite saying that we just kept in contact for almost 9 months after. This is what many people would call my "SECOND" mistake. We just couldn't stop talking. On my side, I just wanted what we had. I felt like it could work. I just didn't know how to start a fresh. Looking back at it now, I think it was the fact that I hadn't been single for a long time that made me feel that way. It was the constant dependency on another person which made me feel weak, defenseless. It made me feel like I had no one else in my life even when I had so many people who wanted to be my next boyfriend, people who were always my friend through thick and thin and ofcourse my family who I didn't exactly share my pain with just because I was not interested in being told things I already knew.
"I told you to stop hanging around with boys"
" I warned you that men were trouble"
" This is what you get for sneaking out with this guy"
"This is what you distanced us for?"
To be fair, it never went like that and most of these negative outcomes happened because of my mindset. The months that I kept in contact with this guy was the most depressing moments of my entire life despite the fact that I had received news that I had been accepted to ALL my universities.
9 months after we broke up I told him, I would like to cut all contact with him. I just wanted to be respectful. I wasn't even sure why I was asking but I did and he said ...
..................................................................................................................................................................
IF YOU READ TILL THIS PART I WOULD JUST LIKE TO SAY THAT I WILL BE CONTINUING THIS STORY REAL SOON AND YES THIS IS A REAL STORY THAT I ENCOUNTERED. I HOPE BY THE END OF THE STORY MANY PEOPLE WILL LEARN FROM MY MISTAKE AND FIND A BETTER WAY FOR APPROACHING RELATIONSHIPS AND BREAK UPS. I JUST DON'T HAVE THE TIME TO SIT DOWN AND WRITE ONE LENGTHY BLOG POST. SO THAT'S WHEN THE GETOVERAY SERIES WILL COME TO PLAY ... STAY TUNED BECAUSE I POST I'LL POST A NEW BLOG POST EVERY TWO WEEKS.
I learned something here..your so intellegent just go and MOVE ON with your passion
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